January 21, 2010- Dream Girl & Tammy have some work to do

Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start….

Before I can give Dream Girl the attention she so richly deserves, I need to understand WHY I feel it’s so fine to neglect myself. The ability to place self first and foremost thaws as we marry and have children and become devoted to the needs of family. It’s easy to chat about self-care, massages, pedicures and facials when no one is waiting on us to do clothes or  cook dinner. We become disconnected from our own likes and dislikes as we daily, hourly, put the needs of others first.

We enter work world where job is primary because it is income. We give our daily allotment of life energy to a company or to a dream that lies outside ourselves.  Our daily work may not even involve anything we’re actually interested in or passionate about. If we’re lucky ( as I was) we sense a dis-ease with devoting our life energy to a soul-less entity and  craft a work world that lies a little more with in the boundaries of what we love. We give up job security, insurance and income to meander along a different path.  I crafted a living in pursuit of the passions of others as part of a “dream team”- an entity of agents, writers, reviewers, media people, radio programmers, and publicists working to fulfill the hopes of success for a group, a songwriter, a musician.  All my hopes and energies alined with other forces. Uncontrollable and shaky forces, but forces none the less. It was easy to place the needs of others far above my own in every circumstance of my life and work. After all, I was less, right?

Thinking about others first was ingrained in childhood. Don’t slam the door, ask before you take the last roll at Grandma’s, always say please, don’t stand out from the crowd, blend in , be less.  It was no different from the way other female children of my era were raised.

Dream Girl and I have a lot of soul work to do. We realize it. This will take time. We’ll be pondering the things we like without considering others.  I keep trying to change that line because it smacks of selfishness and conceit.  Funny that I cannot seem to even think beyond the needs of others even on paper.  Not so much funny haha as funny sad.

 This indeed will be a long process, but Dream Girl is up for it. She’s already rummaging for a new composition pad  to note our lists  and has a box of crayons at the ready for writing.

She chooses a nice lovely shade of red from the box.

Red, after all, is our favorite color. Of that, we are quite sure.

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